Road to Brain Surgery
It’s odd the road leading up to my brain surgery. I remember getting the call like it was yesterday. I was at my parents' house getting ready for a juvenile law presentation that night when my MS doctor called when I was about to head out the door. She explained to my mom that my doctor and a group of neurologists reviewed my scan and they all agreed it was a brain tumor. My stomach sank and my face went blank when my mom told me the news. I already in my head counted on the fact that it was a brain tumor, but maybe a little part of me was holding onto the fact that it was just an MS lesion. I continued to get my stuff ready and packed my backpack. I remember my mom saying, “They’ll understand if you can’t give the presentation tonight.” For some reason, doing that didn’t seem like an option, so I pretended like I didn’t just hear the biggest news of my life and kept it pushing to go give my presentation. The presentation went great and then in my mind just decided to pretend like I wasn’t a 20-year-old about to have brain surgery until it was absolutely necessary to think about it.
On October 18, 2017, we had the pre-surgery appointment with the surgeon who would be performing my brain surgery. I went with my mom, dad, and sister. I remember my dad was so nervous and sweat through his shirt. At the time I didn’t think much of the day, but looking back on it I couldn’t imagine what my parents went through and the emotions they experienced. We recorded the whole thing asking question after question for what they’d do in each situation during the surgery until we neared the end of the appointment. I remember asking if it would be okay if it was after the last of October because I really wanted to visit my best friend at the time in Arizona. The brain surgeon laughed, agreed, and sent me off to the scheduling desk. November 8, 2017. The date was set. The nice desk lady gave me the paperwork and instructions for the day of the surgery and somehow in my brain I was still able to disassociate that I WAS HAVING BRAIN SURGERY.
I was now counting down the days and I realized I needed to start telling my teachers at UMKC that I may be gone from class for the rest of the semester because I was having brain surgery. I really wanted to just email them so I didn’t have to face the face-to-face reaction but I knew this was clearly an in-person conversation.
I wish I could have had a recording of each of their reactions. I did it in the most Katherine way. After class, I said to each of them, “I just wanted to let you know that in a couple of weeks, I’m having brain surgery so I’ll need to get the rest of the homework because I might be gone from class for the rest of the semester, but I can email you a doctor’s note.” Each teacher’s mouth dropped after the brain surgery part then with various concerned reactions like “Oh my gosh. Why did you say brain surgery so calmly.. are you okay?!?”, and “Oh my goodness, bless your heart, you are way too young”. I somehow was still able to make it seem like no big deal, it was just a little brain surgery. Not till a few nights before the big day did it hit me that I could die. (sorry that went heavy quick, but it is a reality)
One night, I started writing a note to my family in case I didn’t make it through the surgery. Let me tell you, that’s probably one of the most depressing things you could do before a big surgery. So instead, I decided to play the pretend it’s not happening game that I became all too good at and made my favorite candied nuts and puppy chow for my family to snack on during my surgery and wrote a note of encouragement to my family for them to read during the long waiting time till it was over. My aunt Roberta and brother Ryan came into town for the big day.
My mom’s sisters, Aunt Roberta and Aunt Brenda came over a couple nights before the surgery to help distract me and keep my mind busy. My Aunt Brenda has a degree in pre-law so she was helping me study for my big law test the day before my surgery. Yep, my law professor still had me take a test the day before my brain surgery. I aced it (sorry humble brag). Then we all watched The Glass Castle and made delicious fall pear tarts together.
It was the big day of the surgery. I washed my body/ hair with the weird soap the hospital gives you and put on my new cute outfit. One of the perks of having brain surgery was my mom took me to Nordstrom the week before and let me pick out some post-surgery comfy clothes. The shirt I wore to the hospital said “Good Vibes”. I always think it’s best to go into things with a positive spirit. I woke up that morning with butterflies. Weirdly a big surgery for me was the same feeling almost as a big exciting trip. It feels like it will never get there and then the day of it’s here it felt like it was forever away and surreal. Even the car ride to the hospital felt the same as the car ride to the airport. Very weird comparison but that’s exactly how it felt.
